Journey2Me

Took a little break from it all, husband had some health issues and went on vacation.  I am back.  I am up in weight a bit but not giving up.  WI this week and last week at WW was 188.2. I am back in control and ready to start losing again. 

Ok so today on my way home from work I started getting a migraine so I took two Excedrin for Migraine like I always do to get rid of the headache before it really kicks in.  5 minutes later I feel my nose running and I wipe my nose to find that I am bleeding heavily out of both nostirls.  My whole body starts shaking and and feel light headed and decide to drive to the nearest walk in clinic.  Call my husband and tell him to leave work to met me there because I am scared and don't know what is going on.   I go in and they find that my blood pressure is 211/120!!!!  They have me lay there and ask me all sorts of questions does anyone in the family have cancer? does anyone have heart disease?  has anyone ever had a brain annarisim?  I am laying there hoping to god I am not dying and trying to keep it together in front of my 5 year old that I have with me.  They decide to take a blood draw to "check levels" and then tell me to RELAX and that they would recheck my BP in about 5 min. Are you freaking kidding me RELAX.  So then my husband shows up and I have him take Peyton out of the room to play.  I hear the Dr. talking with someone else in the hall way and telling them if my BP does not go down dramatically they should admit me to the ER. So Dr. comes back in and takes blood sample and tells me to RELAX and that my BP has to go down or I will need to be admitted to hospital.  Ok now my finger is killing me and I am imagining that I am dying right there. RELAX LOL!! Go figure I get layed off today (for the summer) my insurance is expiring tomorrow and I am in there with god knows what happening to me.  They leave and I am in there for what seems forever.  My nose finally stops bleeding.  They come back and take my BP and it is now 140/70.  Then they leave.  Dr. comes back in and says blood tests are normal and everything seems ok and BP is at a level she is now comfortable with.  Dr. explains to me she believes that because I normally have borderline high BP and that Excedrin is Asprin based it caused the bleeding and then when I saw the bleeding I basically freaked out and caused my BP to sky rocket.  So as of tomorrow I have no medical and am hoping she is right.    She is still concerned that my body was able to sky rocket that high so I may need to be perscribed something  for the migraines and may need BP meds. 

What an eye opener that is!!! I want to be around for my girls for a very very long time and I need to get serious about taking care of me!! 

I am working towards finding a balance in this journey.  Not being soo rough on myself and not being so strict on what I can and can not eat or how much I should be working out.  I relaxed a bit this week, didn't count points, didnt officially workout however ate within reason and went on bike rides with the family.  I gave myself a hard time relaxing my standards a bit.  I gave myself a really hard time for eating food that was not the "best" for me.  I lost focus that I was still eating better then I use to, and I was still moving more then I use to I was just now having fun doing it.  I WI at home this morning and was expecting a gain of a lb or two but really was in hope that I would just  break even and just maintain.  @ home this morning I WI at 178.  I lost .8 I am happy for that loss and I am begining to learn that a fine balance is the key to my weightloss. 

 

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Not sure why this is so hard right now.  I have been doing soo good for so long. The past week has just been rough.  I have not been counting points, I have not been exercising or walking.  I have been tired, stressed, over whellmed and just down.  I have had a lot to do this week but that is no excuse to not treat myself the way that I should be. I have turned to food for comfort again.  Its a pattern I thought I have broken but apparently its too easy to slip back into that way of life.  Today I actually went to Mc Donalds with my daughter and I ordered two happy meals the plan was one for each of my daughters well my oldest was at tutoring and I ended up eating her meal.  It was terrible, it didn't taste good, it was not worth it and I had to go get my daughter more food when I picked her up.  I knew what I was doing but not sure why. It had actually been over 6 months since I have had that CRAP! I have really relaxed on taking care of me this week.  I was doing so good, maybe I was putting too much pressure on myself.  I was disapointed the scale was not moving, or moving too slow.  Well I lost .2 last week.  I guess I decided "what is the point of working so hard".  But I know I need to stick with it. I need to re focus and snap out of this.  I feel sick now.  The food I ate was not good for me it drains my body, it does not give me energy.  Why do I feel the need to destroy what I am doing?!?!  I need to get up and move forward.  I know my goals and I need to keep moving toward them.  NOW is a new moment to make the choice I deserve. I will treat myself with respect, I will give my body and my mind time to reflect, relax and give it the nutrition and exercise it needs to function to its fullest potential.  Food is fuel for my body and nothing more.....

Update....Thurs.
The food I ate actually made me ill last night. I had the worse stomache probs in a long long time. My body truely has changed and is not use to that CRAP anymore. Getting sick from the food was a wake up call. Why feed myself something so bad for me that it actually makes me sick. Not worth it!!!